I'm not really sure how to convey the melancholy that's washed over me this week to a group of readers that largely don't understand - not because you can't, but because it would take the knowledge of pieces of my life I haven't really delved into on my blog dedicated to jewelry.
I will tell you this.
I was 17 and stubborn when I acquired Zeus. I decided that even though I could barely control him he needed to be mine. He was a wary, apprehensive horse with a penchant for being difficult to catch in a field and running off with whomever was on his back. He had deep scars and deeper fears. I saw a broken horse that needed fixing, and thought for sure that I would be the only one capable. He would be mine and I would be his and no one could touch the understanding between us.
to be large and bay and gaited...all things that ended up on my horse buying criteria list somewhere along the way.
Over the past few years, though it still seemed he had the drive, his body began to feel more stiff. His ribcage wouldn't bend around my leg. He became more difficult to control and evaded my attempts more and more. With age came creaky bones and arthritis.
On Tuesday it came to a head, and although he seems just as mobile as always galloping around the pasture, he told me loud and clear that he was done riding.
I'm heartsick over it. I love that horse more than anything and I feel like there's this huge disconnect if I can't even get on him and casually walk around for 5 minutes.
I've been preparing myself for this for the last 4 years, but it doesn't make the final decision any easier. I thought we'd always be able to go out for a ride around the fields. After the 8 1/2 years I have had him, I feel as though our journey has come to a very significant end. I always thought the day he stopped enjoying rides would be the day he died.
It'll take some time, but I'm sure I'll adapt to our new phase. He's stupidly happy in retirement (or the semi-retirement he's had til now) - eating away and hanging out in a big field. Galloping around when he feels like it. Being spoiled. I suppose at age 25 he's entitled to such things.